Friday, November 30, 2012

Moment in Time

                                                                       Portrait by J.B.Yeats
Image: A youthful W.B Yeats drawn by his father JB
Sourced through Wikimedia Commons (here)

The thoughts drifted I had my share
To times long past to times laid bare
I had the wisdom I had her praised
Her image so clear I was amazed

And yet for all that I had felt so right
Believing every word that I had said,
I praised her that made her eyes grow bright
Basking in that special moment's limelight

We sat silent she'd not said a word,

Were it not for the ridiculous crowds that meet
A heart that laughter had made so sweet
Would not know until we walked the very street
Whereon a thing once walked, for one to greet

We walked silently without a word

Suspicious darting eyes of sorts
Friendly folks but we let them be
Slowly and surely without a nod
We passed them by in all dignity

Hand in hand in a world of our own
Two souls but with one heart all alone

Note: I had based the above from the poem below,

A Memory Of Youth
(by William Butler Yeats)

THE moments passed as at a play;
I had the wisdom love brings forth;
I had my share of mother-wit,
And yet for all that I could say,
And though I had her praise for it,
A cloud blown from the cut-throat North
Suddenly hid Love's moon away.
Believing every word I said,
I praised her body and her mind
Till pride had made her eyes grow bright,
And pleasure made her cheeks grow red,
And vanity her footfall light,
Yet we, for all that praise, could find
Nothing but darkness overhead.
We sat as silent as a stone,
We knew, though she'd not said a word,
That even the best of love must die,
And had been savagely undone
Were it not that Love upon the cry
Of a most ridiculous little bird
Tore from the clouds his marvellous moon.
ALTHOUGH crowds gathered once if she but showed her face,
And even old men's eyes grew dim, this hand alone,
Like some last courtier at a gypsy camping-place
Babbling of fallen majesty, records what's gone.
These lineaments, a heart that laughter has made sweet,
These, these remain, but I record what-s gone. A crowd
Will gather, and not know it walks the very street
Whereon a thing once walked that seemed a burning cloud

Written for Anna at d' Verse with Meeting the Bar - Erasure poetry


  1. smiles...lost in the moment with the loved one..and the world around blurs...nice one hank

  2. ah lovely...esp the closure...hand in hand in a world all our own....smiles....really great job piecing together the story sir....

  3. "Slowly and surely without a nod We passed them by in all dignity" I particularly loved this part...

  4. I love the memories associated in this piece ... beautiful !!!

  5. Just taking the world with the two, and seeing what comes due. What a way to be, great job by thee!

  6. It reads well, but without the original can't tell about the erasure aspect. Still, reading well is what should matter most!

  7. This was a bit confusing to sort through ... but now I get what you've done. :)

    I just love this line taken on its own: "I had the wisdom I had her praised" It makes me think that you could not praise her on your own, so you had others do it. I really love this thought---as if you're secretly admiring from afar.

  8. You've reinvented the original and added lines, taking erasure a step further which I really enjoyed and would like to try myself. You set a high bar blending your voice and his and I think you were very successful, thank you for joining in the prompt!

  9. This erasure stuff is always hard for me to follow and appreciate without the original piece --so I was glad you included it--beautifully done!

  10. :) had not read this poem by Yeats..
    loved both the versions - yours and his!

  11. I so like Yeats' poetry and your derivative would make him proud.

  12. You took Yeats' words as springboard and inspiration for an entirely new creation. Cleverly pieced together and fleshed out anew.

  13. Very nicely done! The last paras are so good.....I commented here yesterday... don't know what happened.

  14. Nice choice, Yeats..I think you used the reverse erasure process nicely and made it new...

  15. Wow, how did I miss this one at dVerse. I like your version better than the original, Hank. you have the touch with that eraser.